Friendships are amazing! And rewarding! And hard! And many other things. It can be hard to figure out where you fit in in a whole new place. Maybe you go to an insanely large school, like me, and fitting in isn’t the problem, it’s finding friends that make the big campus seem smaller.
One of the first things I noticed was that you have to plan intentionally. If you want to see people, you have to plan ahead and reach out to see where people are and whether or not their schedules match up with yours. I started college right around when people started using “Find my Friends” on iPhones (dated myself a bit there, whoops). Anyway, that meant I could see where my friends were at any time they had this running. I could see that if they weren’t replying they were in class. This was mostly a great thing, but I also had to learn when to schedule time to myself. In a shoebox style dorm this was hard. We were always in each others’ business, but roommates will be another story…
This makes it challenging to see the people you want to see. You learn quickly to make the most of when you do see people (this goes for family as well). On the other hand, this means if you don’t get along with someone very well, you don’t really have to see them. Your time is yours and yours only. You don’t have to put any energy into anything or anyone who doesn’t fill you back up in return.
Now, friendships aren’t always 50-50. Somewhat how I imagine a marriage, some days people can only give 20%, and that’s okay, but you either put in the other 80% or schedule another time because you can’t always meet that other 80%. The same goes for them. Nothing personal, you just have to put your wellbeing above pleasing them, even if they are your friends.
One tip I have is find people like you and people not like you. Find those that are comfortable and feel like home and find those that push you a bit outside your comfort zone. I promise, both are essential and serve different purposes. Sometimes you need easy, life-giving friendships that you know you can go to and they will always fill you up and have the right thing to say, even if it’s something you don’t really want to hear. You also need people not like you to avoid just becoming part of a group and not being your own person outside of those people. If we were designed to all look and act the same, we would. But we are all unique and have unique experiences and purposes, so don’t limit yourself to those just like you.
Another tip is just stay away from drama. Have you ever heard someone talk to you about someone they claim to be best friends with in the not nicest way? That’s probably gossip, and unless you want to be the next topic of conversation for them, just don’t spend time with them. You get to choose. People will let you down, but at a certain point if someone is hurting you in a way that is consistent and can’t be worked on, they aren’t worth any more of your energy. Period. This is one of the sad things. Sometimes you imagine that one girl you thought you were so close to as one of your bridesmaids, next thing you know you pretend you didn’t see them when you walk by.
I guess I’m here saying all this to tell you find the ones that matter to you, because they will always be there. Distance won’t matter and time apart won’t matter, they’ll be there for you and you know you’ll be there for them. Try not to stress too much over friendships because some will stick around until the end and some will only appear in a chapter of your life.
Sunshine and Coffee 